I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
