I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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