theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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