Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
