Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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