I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
