I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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