nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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