I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
This show inspires me to have sex in space
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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