we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I woke up under a house in Key West
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
