My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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