I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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