You're my little dorito
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
