i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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