OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
