Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Randomize