Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
