he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
