I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
