she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Farmville is her only friend.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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