He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
