so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
