I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
