can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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