words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize