FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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