stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
