ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
