I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
