Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
