he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
