So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Randomize
