Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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