college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
