When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
