I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
