I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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