that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
