i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
