i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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