Well douche your snatch and let's go!
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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