do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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