it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
