My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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