guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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