Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
