I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
