i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
