Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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