Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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