I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
