That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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