What did we do last night that was yellow?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
