feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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