Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
