I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
