guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
