so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize