I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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