i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
