Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
