I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
