ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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