My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
